Tuesday, July 5, 2011

My Heart Still Aches

I don't even know how to start this post. I've been away from my blog because I've been too devastated, too down and I'm not in the mood for it. But a very close friend of mine suggested blogging about it might be a good way to express and maybe feel better after it. It has been 21 days since the passing of my dearest father. It's very hard for all of us to accept and even until now I can't believe that he has gone.

How do we all live without you, daddy? I am fortunate to have my children to dote upon. But what about my mother? She has been hit the hardest. I don't know how long it will take for her to recover. I don't blame her for she has lost her pillar of strength. Not a day goes by that I find myself thinking about my dad. How can we just simply forget him when he has touched our lives so much with his kindness and tenderness. I miss him so very much. I miss his smile, I miss talking to him, I miss his voice, I miss his cooking, I miss how he wave goodbye to me, I miss having him around..I just miss everything about him.

I am thankful that I managed to spend time with him before he left us. I also hugged and kissed him. The only thing I regret is I did not say "I love you, daddy" and I did not get to see his last breath even though we were all by his bedside. I also did not get to bring him to Penang. I hope you know how much I love you, daddy and I know that you are now in Heaven with the Lord, free from all your sufferrings. Life has to move on for us even though you are deeply missed. You are one tough person, daddy..battling it for 6 years. I know it's because you know mommy needs you, you want to see us longer, be with your grandchildren longer. I am very proud of you daddy and I will never forget how you've been the best father in the whole world to me. You've always been so caring, understanding and patient.

And even though my heart still aches, how I wish you are still with us, I have to tell myself that you are at a better place. I know you're shining down on us from Heaven. May the Good Lord bless and keep you till we meet again one sweet day.


  1. I am so very very sorry to hear that. That's why you've disappeared for so long. Everyone needs time to grief and it will definitely take time to readjust to life without your father now. I hope that God will give you and your family strength in this difficult time. Please take care of yourself and your mother.

  2. Hey Carol, take good care of yourself and be at peace as the Lord is with your dad now. He is now living in the mansions that the Lord has prepared in heaven. I pray that God will fill you and family with His strength and His love.

  3. Oh Carolyn!

    So so sorry to hear about this. I can't tell you it will get better cos believe me, after 5 years I still think of my dad and mum and often wondered how it would be like if they are still around.

    You will grieve and feel miserable, especially when there is family functions around, or festivals and so on.

    Just want to say, do continue to pray for healing, for strength to move on and for yourself and family to get through this.

    You and your family are lucky, at least your children get to see and spend time with their grandfather and have memories to cherish of him. And with your mum still around, do cherish her while she is still alive.

    Do take good care of your mum, and yes, she will be hit the hardest in moments like this. After all, they have been life partners for decades, going thru ups and downs their entire lives.

    Take care dear friend!

  4. Hey Carolyn..I wondered bout you..where you'd gone. I'm sad to hear bout your dad. through your post, I can feel your sorrows and how special your dad was to you. I'm bad at writing condolences..just know that I'm thinking of you. take good care ! ((hugs))....

  5. My deepest condolences friend,he will always live in your heart!:)

  6. My deepest condolences. I never knew your dad but he must be be a great dad for he has beautiful and loving daughter like you.
    take care.

  7. My deepest condolences to you and family Carolyn..



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