Motherhood. I've noticed my social life after being a mother has dwindled. And my life after working hours has become so routined. I will resume my mommy duties everyday after work like a switch. I'll leave the office as early as I can so that I have more time at home. Nearly everyday I will nod a few times even while driving. I know it's really dangerous but I can't help it. I don't know what's happened to me but ever since becoming a mommy, I'm like so sleep deprived.
After fetching lil' dahling from the babysitter, I will returned home to cook dinner. Hard to believe right? I've never loved cooking and still never will until today. But situations have forced me to pick up cooking. Cooking sessions will always have interruptions these days ever since lil' dahling can walk like a pro and she has explored every nook and corner of the house. Her toys also lost its appeal already and it won't sustain her for long. During her crawling days and when she has just learned to walk, cooking can be so peaceful. I can just leave her and finish my cooking without any disruptions. She will be happily exploring the house and won't even care to check on me. But nowadays as she is more matured and aware of her surroundings she just won't leave me alone. I fixed a child gate at the kitchen door but never use it all the time. If I use it, Eliza will be so angry and cry inconsolably until I open the gate. She is already bored exploring the kitchen and now wants me to carry her even though I'm washing the vegetables or chopping the garlic or even frying the dishes. I even sacrificed my money and fixed Astro just to get the Playhouse Disney channel thinking that it would save me from my troubles. It served its purpose at the beginning but now the programmes only interests her if there's singing and dancing.
Once the great feat is over, I will feed her fruits then scoop her up and put her in the cot while I take my bath. So far, she's been obedient and will wait for me until I finished bathing. However, she won't cry provided the shower room door is opened halfway so that she could see me. I will chat with her while bathing to keep her upbeat. One task down and coming up next is dinner time.
Dinner time is her favourite. She likes to sit in her own chair and eat together. I will give her some rice with some vegetables and meat which she will try to eat on her own with a spoon but uses her hand if she gets fed up with the spoon. I won't wash the dishes first but try to spend quality time with her before her bedtime. It is just a short time anyway because dinner usually finishes around 8 plus. I usually put her to bed at 9pm. I will either teach her some flashcards, watch tv with her, sing, dance or play with her. According to parenting tips, we must have a bedtime routine and babies love routines. My bedtime routine for her goes something like this. It starts with cleaning her face and bum bum area. She used to brush her teeth while I clean her but I need to get a new toothbrush for her since she chewed the rubber off. After changing her diapers it will be storybook time which she looks forward too. Then I'll put her to bed.
Usually I seldom face problems putting her to bed. But yesterday was exceptional. She cried for no reason and didn't want to sleep. She wants me to pick her up from her bed and sleep together with her on my bed. But I have tons of things to do some more like doing the laundry or preparing her porridge to name a few. So her papa volunteered to accompany her. She was ok at first but suddenly demanded for me. And then the crying started again. I gave her milk but it was not what she wanted. So how do you think I feel? I 'merajuk' la. I left her to cry while I pretend to go to sleep. Her papa kept showing his pity on her but I warned him not to soften. I guess he melts easily more so than me. I didn't want to give in for some time. Somehow, I feel that Eliza knows I'm angry with her but she didn't dare come close to me. But when her papa tried to console her she pushed him away. My husband kept saying that she only wants me so desperately. Wow! That makes me feel proud but still angry with her at the same time. Finally I gave in and allowed her to come up the bed. I thought it was over but she cried again and kept nudging me. My husband said she's asking for forgiveness. LOL. So I turned to her and caress her to show that I've forgiven her. She still doesn't want to go back to her bed but guess where she ended up sleeping? On my chest! I made her sleep beside me but she went back on my chest again several times until I gave up. She placed half her body on my chest but her legs were on the bed. I guess she's afraid that I would leave her again. Next thing I know, we all fell asleep. I woke up abruptly around 3am to find her beside me already. So I carried her and put her back into her cot. Lets all hope this won't happen again today. Pretty please God..LOL.
Having second thoughts of becoming a mother? Don't be. I hope this post won't slash all your plans to become a mother. This is part and parcel of motherhood. It will all be worth it and in times like these makes you appreciate your own mother even more. It is not easy being a mom but I'll try to take it as a challenge and take it in stride.